


I Couldn't Tell Her I Loved Her

by fandometcetera



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Josephine Lightbourne Possessing Clarke Griffin, Love Confessions, Maybe more to come - Freeform, One Shot, Post 6x05, season 6, season 6 spec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 18:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19011208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandometcetera/pseuds/fandometcetera
Summary: Bellamy is trapped while someone is walking around in Clarke's body. He's suddenly faced with the reality that Clarke may really be gone: and he's certain he won't survive losing her again. Post 6x05 one-shot





	I Couldn't Tell Her I Loved Her

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!!! I haven't written on here in a while but I'm loving season six so far. This is something I started working on after 6x04 that I came back to and readjusted after tonight's episode. Let me know what you all think (and if this is maybe something worth continuing...)

The ability to move comes back slowly. 

His muscles had remained frozen for hours and it filled him with an unparalleled sense of terror knowing he was so weak, so completely powerless to do anything while some monster walked around with Clarke’s face. 

Clarke _._  

Just the thought of her fills him with a rush of fear and guilt, and yet she was all he could think about since he’d been dragged down here. What had happened to Clarke? Was she okay? Could they get her back- no, that wasn’t a question at all. They _had_ to get her back. It was non-negotiable. Bellamy can’t lose her again. 

“Looks like someone’s finally moving.”

The words cause him to freeze like he’s paralyzed all over again simply by the sound of her voice. Except it’s not her, not really, but that doesn’t change the undeniably soothing tone of Clarke Griffin’s voice which had grown so familiar to him over the years. Another wave of disgust washes over him as he narrows his eyes at the woman inhabiting Clarke’s body. Josephine Lightbourne, she’d said. Bellamy was going to kill her for what she’d done. As soon as he can find a way to get Clarke back, the real Clarke, _his_ Clarke. 

“They’re going to realize I’m gone soon. It won’t take them long to figure out what’s happened,” he says, struggling against the ropes he’d woken up in.  

She's silent as she steps further into the room, taking a casual seat across from where he's tied up. The smirk that etches across the girl’s face is so undeniably not-Clarke that Bellamy’s scowl deepens. It feels so wrong, it’s nearly sickening. “As far as your friends know you and I are off on a scouting mission. Could be hours, days, who knows. I say that gives the two of us plenty of time to chat.”

“You won't be able to keep this up. I figured it out. So will the others,” he insists. Madi, Abby, Murphy, even Jordan, they would all realize something was wrong, that this wasn’t Clarke. Sure, he’d been the first one to discover the truth but that didn’t mean he’d be the only one. 

“I’ll admit, there were a few hiccups here and there. But now that I’ve got help things will go much smoother.” Bellamy raises an eyebrow and she seems to catch on to his confusion. “Wondering which one of your buddies betrayed you? I’ll give you a hint: cute, brunet, great sense of humor; apparently the only one of you with a survival instinct.” 

Bellamy shakes his head. “Murphy would never help you.” He’s sure of it. Maybe the John Murphy who’d come down to the ground with him and 99 other delinquents would sell out his friends like this, but they’d all changed so much since then. They’d become a family during their six years on the ring and sure Murphy was still an asshole but he would never betray them. Not like this, not when this place was supposed to be their second chance. Their chance to do better like Monty had hoped. 

Josephine’s smirk widens as if she knows just how much the accusation will affect him. “John’s more easily persuaded than you might think,” she assures him and Bellamy stiffens as the uncertainty begins to slip in. He thinks he knows Murphy, but what if he’s wrong? “Look, I hate to break this to you Bell, but you won’t be getting your precious Clarke back. She’s dead. If you can’t wise up like your friend, then soon you’ll be joining her.”

_She’s dead._

The two words send his world crashing down all around him. The grief he’d suffered for those six years believing he’d never see Clarke again suddenly hits him all at once. The first thing that strikes him is the guilt. He can still remember seeing her two nights ago, so happy and carefree on the dance floor. He can feel the ache in his chest as he watched her so full of joy with someone who wasn’t him, and then the guilt that came along with that line of thinking. Then the anger had come, at himself, and the doctor, and the world, the anger he’d taken out on Echo, regrettably so, because as easy as it would be to blame her it simply wasn’t her fault. It was on him.

It was his fault that he was so jealous. It was his fault that Octavia is gone and Clarke was dancing with someone else and that Echo doesn’t think she can talk to him. And now, it’s his fault that Clarke might be…

_She’s dead_

No, he won’t accept that. This is Clarke after all, they’ll find a way, they always do. He won’t lose her, not again. Not even if the world is going up in flames around them, he won’t leave her behind this time. He can’t make that same mistake. Losing Clarke was the hardest thing he’d ever gone through, and he’s positive he can’t go through it again.  

“You don’t know Clarke,” he finally says, his voice filled with certainty despite how terrified he feels. “We’re going to find a way to fix this. I’ll burn this entire place to the ground if I have to.” 

It’s a promise, because when all the guilt and fear at the prospect of losing Clarke washes away all that’s left is anger. Rage. The whirlwind of emotions is nearly consuming him at the thought of what these people have done to her and he knows the moment he gets out of these restraints he’s going to make them all regret it. 

He tries again, hopelessly pulling against the ropes that are binding him, and Josephine shakes her head with a hint of a smile, one that mirrors Clarke’s more closely but is still not quite there yet. “I had a feeling you might say that.” Josephine finally stands, pacing the room absentmindedly twirling a piece of hair around as her smile turns devious. “You know I’ve been wondering, and now I really have to ask: does Clarke know that you’re in love with her?”

Bellamy suddenly stops yanking on the restraints, the question piercing through him.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

She laughs. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious. I could see it the first time you looked at me _.”_ She’s studying his reaction closely. Bellamy can feel it even though he’s avoiding her gaze, mind still running a mile a minute. “No worries Bell. Clarke’s long gone now so it’ll stay our little secret. Must suck though, that you never told her.”

_I couldn’t tell her I loved her._

He’s thrust back to another time now. Another time when just as they reached a glimmer of hope his world was thrown into chaos once more and he was at risk of losing the person that he loved most. He’d regretted it then but it hits him tenfold now. 

After everything they’d been through, after he cried for her and mourned her for six years. After he’d poisoned his sister and put everyone’s life at risk to save her. After she left him to die in the fighting pit, crushing his heart all over again without even realizing it. After he found out she’d called him every day _for six years._

Even after all that, the end of the world, a chance to start over, and everything else they'd been through he still couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell her that he loved her and now he might never get the chance.  

“What do you want?” he finally asks, defeated. 

“Doesn’t matter now, I know you won’t help me.” She’s got him and he knows it. “But don’t worry, I think you’ll make a great first test subject. It was fun while it lasted Bellamy. Don’t worry, you’ll be reunited with Clarke real soon.” 


End file.
